Beauty in the Brokenness

This summer seems to have flown by. Just the other day during some prayer time I spoke to the Lord, “Well, August has come and gone. Help me to take this new month with thanksgiving as a fresh season.” And though we enjoy a new month, there’s a piece of me that takes some time to reflect.

One of the things that I’ve had rolling in my thoughts is a picture I took this summer while visiting Florida. It was during a time where I stole away for the afternoon to have some alone time, a peace-filled gift from God. I played in the water, picked up several shells for my kids, and scooped up sand.

As I sat and watched the waves, I looked over to a patch of sand that consisted of larger, pieces of broken shells. I thought to myself, “There are so few shells out here today. These are all broken!” But then a whisper in my soul, “There is beauty in the brokenness,” lyrics from a worship song, ‘Joy’ from Housefires II.

My experience of that little patch of beach turned from disappointment to one of beauty and wonder. Wonder at that fact that for miles, God had taken what seemed broken, and created beauty. He does that very thing for us.


When things seem dark, broken and confusing – we can choose to trust Him with the broken pieces. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5, ESV) His ways are higher than ours. (Isaiah 55:11)

He is the star breather and creator of the universe! I am whole and complete, but I’m also asking God to make something beautiful from broken pieces around me. He is well able! And I’m excited, because whatever the Creator comes up with will be beautiful. Can you trust Him with the broken pieces?


Hope in the Heartache

Recently, I’ve been walking through some hard stuff with a dear friend. There have been so many tears, and just when I think they have ceased – it hits again. The other day, my friend quickly stopped by for an exchange of goods and we chatted in the driveway for a few, brief moments. As I divulged some hard, family things which I had held back for a few days, we looked at each other with a shared dis-belief and questioning. We hugged and I commented how it had been such a hard summer. Her response, “It’s been a hard three years.” I shook my head in agreement and drew a deep breath. Yes. Yes, it has.

Over the next few days, my thoughts visited that brief exchange and life over the past three to four years. But while planting some replacement blueberries in our u-pick field one morning shortly after, a sense of peace, hope and gratitude came over me. I was planting new blueberries in a variety that had really struggled, and experienced the greatest loss. Those first bushes were planted five years ago yesterday. They have a history. My husband and I have struggled with this group of plants, and their short, stunted growth reflects those challenges.  It seems like we haven’t seen any progress in them for five years. Instead of thriving and increasing, they just sit and sulk.

I was ready to tear the whole lot out, when something changed. The struggle and patience has started to bear fruit! Not physical fruit that we would eat today (that comes next year) – but growth. It’s been so exciting to see that amongst the weeds and bug riddled leaves, we have new and healthy canes coming along. And they are big! Out of the entire field, these runts have begun to take heart with new canes easily seen over their neighbors. It’s an answer to prayer.

My friend’s words rang in my ear, “It’s been a hard three years.” as I prayed. “It’s been a hard five years with these plants. So much life has taken place in this space of time. But God, you are faithful and good. There will be growth and new life that springs forth from these heartaches the past two months. God, you will bear good fruit from these scars and wounds. We may not see it, understand it, or feel it for a long time – but I trust in who you are. I trust that you will bring beauty from these ashes. These blueberries have struggled to thrive, but you will redeem the time which seems lost and make whole what seems broken. Do the same for my friend and her family.”

IMG_5885That new growth was encouraging. It is new and lush, healthy and whole. What a reward for patience and wrestling. It will bear new fruit next year. But for now, I am happy to bask in the thrill of HOPE for these plants and my friend.

“For whatever was written in the former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” Romans 15:4 (ESV)

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13 (ESV)


Where are you rooted?

Over the past few weeks, our pastor has been preaching about freedom and bondage, and that true freedom comes in being chained to the cross of Christ. It’s been a lot to think about. In my Connection Class (Sunday School), we’ve been talking about boundaries. Heavy stuff that I believe has been challenging all of us, and touching on some pretty soft spots.

I’m also reading this book called Wild & Free, by Hayley Morgan and Jess Connolly. It challenges the thoughts about how in the fullness of God available to His daughters, we often feel limited by two defining insecurities: “I am too much,” and “I am not enough.”[1] Today I read a portion about the children of Israel, and how in the hard parts of their desert wandering they desired to go back to captivity. “Anything kept in captivity can only grow as much as its cage will allow. If we aren’t walking out of our bondage, we’re missing out on the fullness and on the abundant life of Christ.”

These sentences sparked a thought and principle I’ve known for years in regards to my training in horticulture. When plants are kept in pots, some are perfectly fine while others struggle. They all thrive at first, germinating in a safe space with plenty of water and nutrients available within reach. But trees quickly lack enough depth for a strong tap root, forced to turn circles in the bottom of its container. Plants can also become stunted and chlorotic. That chlorosis is typically caused when leaves do not have enough nutrients to synthesize all the chlorophyll they need.[2] They’ve used up all the initial nutrients within the confines and bondage of their container.

Boundaries are good. I know, trust and understand that. But I can’t help but think about the artificial and false boundaries we institute around ourselves. The boundaries that stunt our growth and keep us from ever growing to the fullest design of who we are. Fear, anxiety, wanting acceptance – the list could go on. I often live within my self-proclaimed boundary of fear and the desire to be accepted by others, if I’m honest with myself, every day. That’s tough to admit.

For the past year, I’ve been working through some of this; however, the challenge and truth has increased as I move forward to the ‘next thing’ in a long process of learning and growth. I don’t want to be a stunted little oak tree. I desire to disciple women in Christ, to make a difference, to bear fruit not for my glory but for God’s. That’s hard to do when I’m stuck in a flower pot of comfort, slowly turning chlorotic. It will require me to break through my self-made, false boundaries which are confining, and move into the truth-filled boundaries proclaimed over me before the foundations of the earth. (Ephesians 1:4)

At some point, my desire to thrive in the ‘fullness and abundant life of Christ’ must be greater than all the other things. I trust that the boundaries from God, for my life, are good. It’s not a mediocre ‘good’ that we use to describe our day, but the awesome ‘good’ He used in Genesis 1 to describe the sun, moon and stars which He breathed into orbit. The ‘good’ He had in mind when we created the depths of the sea and the majestic heights of this land. The boundaries on our life are ‘good’ and pleasant (Psalm 16:6), and ones that we will stand in awe of.

IMG_5864Are you living in a flower pot of your own making? Perhaps it’s still a safe place, you’ve just germinated and need the safety and comfort provided. But maybe you’ve been there a while, and you’re going in circles or chlorotic. There’s so much more we could extrapolate on, but for now I’m challenging myself to really evaluate, “Where am I rooted, and where does God desire me to be?.” Would you join me?

“The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” Psalm 16:6 (ESV)




Wax Hearts

My husband and I have several hives of bees. For the past couple of years, we’ve been loosely mentored in bee keeping (as our interest and time allow) by my dad. This year, we decided it was time to commit and take on the care of our hives, calling for help when necessary. This season, we managed to harvest nearly 100 lbs. of honey, and try our hand at rendering the wax from the comb capping’s.

Rendering wax is a multi-step process. The wax is melted, filtered and cooled – twice – being poured into a final mold after the second filtering. From there, the wax is melted a third time and made into candles, lip balm, etc.

As the final stage of filtered wax was poured into the molds, I watched these freshly melted wax hearts begin to harden and cool – taking shape of the form around them. The wax had first been scraped with a hot knife from the comb. Then left to drip of all the sweetness within. Gathered up, the wax was set in the hot sun to melt. Filtered from the slum gum (yucky stuff), the first glimpses of purity were seen. But again came the sun, hot and unyielding. Once again poured out, filtered and drained. This wax rendering was work; requiring patience, and careful handling as to not get burned.

Throughout the old and new Testament, scripture mentions hearts that are melted and hearts that are refined by fire.

The Psalmist, David, wrote about feeling forsaken by God and scorned by mankind. “I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax; it is melted within my breast.” (Psalm 22:14, ESV)

The testing and trials of life can be like that hot honey-knife, slicing away and exposing past hurts and pains, insecurities, strong holds, addictions, idols. Or maybe it’s walking through a desert-like season with the sun beating down and melting us into a hopeless puddle, like the melted wax heart within David’s chest in Psalm 22.

Melted and filtered.

Testing and trials.

Each step can be used to refine our heart, it’s work, just like the removal of the slum gum from the wax. What would it be like to accept those trials and desert seasons of life, when our heart feel melted, with gratitude for the refining like gold? “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right (steadfast) spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (ESV) Would that change your perspective in times of trouble? Could you be brave and ask what is being refined?

I don’t believe that testing and trials are just for the fun of it. We live in a fallen world with hurts and heartaches…but Jesus. Take a look at these verses in 1 Peter.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

When the hot sun comes bearing down, and you feel like you’ve been thrown into a furnace, I want to challenge you to pick up your shield of faith (Eph. 6:16) and with a surrendered heart, trust the Refiner (God) through the fire. Ask Him to use the fire, refine your faith in Him. Through the flames, I want to challenge you to give God the glory with a heart of thanksgiving, accepting his abundant mercy and grace, allowing the ‘yuck’ to be worked through His filter. You and your faith are precious to the Lord.

IMG_5439Those refined wax hearts are ready to use. Ready to be transformed into something which can burn brightly or sooth chapped lips. Our refined hearts can burn brightly for the Lord and be used to offer a soothing balm to others who are hurting and chapped by this world.

Be encouraged, “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:10 (ESV)

Tide Changer

For the last year and a half, I’ve been studying the book of Joshua and writing a Bible study while teaching the material in Connection Class on Sunday mornings. While reviewing Joshua 11 for class and the day’s lesson about the ebb and flow of the Israelites’ claiming their Promised Land it hit me. God is our Tide Changer.

fullsizeoutput_ef3.jpegThere’s no Hebrew name for God in this fashion (that I’m aware of), but I truly believe it. God, Creator of the universe – moon, stars, oceans, the whole shebang – also created the tides. The ebb and flow, their shifting all over this blue-green globe.

Life tends to have an ebb and flow to it too, shifting seasons of fall and winter rest followed by the full force of spring and summer. And within that, each day and week have an ebb and flow, a rhythmic pattern of coming and going. A Sabbath rest followed by busy work days, and back again.

My life right now is in the full-force “flow” mode. It’s abundantly full to the point I’m not sure I can keep up. But He amazes me with just enough rest to catch my breath before the next wave hits. (Like this moment right now!) At times, it feels the waves won’t let up, but I know it won’t last forever.

Perhaps you’re in an “ebb” season, where drought and depression have engulfed you. No matter where you are, whether in the “ebb” or “flow” of life – trust that God is the Tide Changer. He can bring life rushing back with a fresh breath of the Holy Spirit, or shift the tide so that we can slow down and breathe.

What season are you in right now? No matter where you find yourself, God can and will always turn the tide for your good. Trust Him.

Jesus & the Road to Emmaus

I’ve been reading through the book of Luke since late April or early May. It’s been a little sporadic, but I finally finished today. To be completely honest, the last three chapters I had really been putting off – the betrayal and crucifixion of Jesus.

This morning, I asked God to help me finish the last two chapters of Luke. It would be more scripture than normally covered, but I wanted to finish. As I prayed, it occurred to me that this part is the greatest part of God’s love letter to us. It’s the greatest part of His love story. If my husband sacrificed his own life for that of someone else, it would be the talk of the town. A sacrificial love like no other. Why would I not want to read the greatest love story ever told?

With a fresh desire I made it through, and to the final chapter. I love the story of the two men on the road to Emmaus in Luke 24. Cleopas and Simon are walking to Emmaus and come across a stranger who joins them. They tell this stranger about what has just taken place in Jerusalem – the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus (Good News travels fast). Then the stranger begins to interpret to them all the Scriptures. (Luke 24:27) They are wowed by the stranger’s understanding and urge him to stay with them, come for supper.

But as they sit to eat, the stranger breaks the bread and blesses it. Immediately, the two men’s eyes are opened and they realize that this “stranger” is the resurrected Jesus himself. (Talk about a good story!) As their eyes are opened to who they had spent so much time with that day, Jesus vanishes. I’m sure their opened eyes got a little wider.

“When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed and broke it and gave it to them. Their eyes were opened, and they recognized him.” (Luke 24:30-31, ESV)

That verse reminded me of when I first saw Jesus. It was in the telling of the story of his crucifixion and resurrection. It was his body – blessed, broken and given to each one of us – just like the bread with Cleopas and Simon. It was an August night in 1994 at Windy Gap, a Young Life camp. The story of Jesus was graphically told that night, just like I read in Luke 23 this morning. It was the realization of how much the Lord our God loves us, has forgiven us, desires relationship with us, and prepared a way for eternal life for us, with Him.

Whatever road you are on right now, I want to encourage you to take 20-30 minutes, and read the gospel of Luke 23-24. I promise you, time spent in God’s Word is not wasted time. Allow Him to meet you, right where you are. Its about relationship, not perfection. I’m asking that God would open our eyes, just like Cleopas and Simon, to see Jesus. I’m asking for a fresh reminder of what first brought us to believe God and Jesus’ sacrifice. And I’m asking that God’s love would wash over us, afresh. Amen.

Trip Home

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to attend my 20th high school reunion. (How is that possible?!) For the weeks leading up to the event, I had been so excited to make the trip. But as the hours inched closer, I questioned the decision. Our family’s u-pick berry farm was coming into the height of season, I was going to miss yet another Sunday teaching, and there was much to do. However, the plane ticket had been purchased and I wasn’t going to waste it.

As I walked up the ramp to the reunion that first night, thoughts of “what am I doing here?” played heavily. What had I gotten myself into? But as the woman at the top of the ramp turned around, all those thoughts melted away as I came face to face with one who did that awkward journey through high school so closely with me.

It was such a good weekend – filled with familiar faces, childhood friends, neighbors and class mates. Much of the next day was spent with those friends closest, swimming, grilling and watching our kids play together. That was worth the whole trip.

But Sunday morning rolled around, and I stood in the sanctuary of my first church family, with that same friend who greeted me at the top of the ramp that first night. A new sense of gratitude washed over me. Honestly, it was all I could do to hold back the ugly cry. Because I was standing in the place where it all started, my walk with Jesus.

The opportunity to come back, and remember, was such a gift from God. It was a good reminder and glimpse into what was such a big part of my life. A part of my life I had not given enough credit to.

Later that afternoon, this peopled-out introvert found some solitude at the beach I grew up on. I’m so grateful for that time, to worship God alone in thanks and joy; time to be in His creation, time to stand in His presence amongst the powerful Atlantic and allow the waves to crash and roll over my head. It was a time of personal testimony between me and Him, to listen and abide in Him.

IMG_5123When was the last time you got away with God? Just the two of you, to simply be in His presence. To sing praises to Him? I want to encourage you, sometime in the next few days, wipe the slate clean of distractions, pressures, requests and let God’s love and goodness and power wash over you.

“Speak Lord, your servant is listening.” (1 Samuel 3:10)


One day last week, I stood in our field.  I was walking back to the house and just stopped.  That day had been full, once again I was trying to fit too much into a short period of time. I was tired, pushed to the edge, teetering on throwing in the towel. There were more balls in the air than I was capable of juggling. Having been inside all day, I decided it was time for a change of scenery and needed to get my chores done outside.

So, there I was, standing in the field, decked out in the full bee suit (I had just fed our new hives), when I just stopped dead in my tracks. I dropped what was in my hands and just stared at the field. “Waiting.” I thought. “Lord, in all this hustle and movement – I’m just waiting.” A desperate sense of surrender engulfed me, as the word seemed to blare in my mind, “Waiting.”

I seemed to be waiting for so many things, for so many people, in so many parts of my life. I stood there and stared at the little prairie we had been so patiently waiting on. One little patch of plants I had been watching, were finally in bloom. All the waiting had been worth it. Five years ago, I had spread seed. A year later I found little bitty seedlings, which seemed to grow ever so slowly. Not one bloom, for four years. I clung to a hope-filled patience of ‘maybe next year’.

Baptisia alba (White Indigo)

It didn’t change the fact that I was still waiting, but those white spikes of flowers seemed to echo that the waiting is worth it. No matter what the outcome, the waiting allows me to trust in the Lord, abide in Him, and practice patience. So many things I seem to be waiting on, rely on God’s timing and strength, not my own. Somewhere in the midst of life, is a delicate balance between moving forward and waiting.

Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!” (ESV)

Lamentations 3:25 “The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” (ESV)

Be encouraged, that God’s timing is perfect and good; He works things together for those who love him (Rom. 8:28). No matter what the outcome, patience in the waiting is fruit itself.

Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (ESV)

Our little prairie required us to work in the waiting. We’ve burned when necessary, and clipped noxious weeds. We didn’t sit idly by for five years. Just like that prairie, we too are called to both faithfully wait and work (pray, act when and where necessary, etc.)

What are you waiting for?

Can you trust God in the waiting? Can you trust He has your best interest in mind?

What do you need to do in the waiting?

My Whole Heart

Over the past week or two, there seems to be a theme between writing the Joshua study and my quiet times with the Lord.  It’s enough to grab my attention and pause for question.

First, in the study of Joshua :: In Joshua 14, Caleb recounts the events of Moses sending the twelve spies into Canaan and how 10 of the 12 come back with a negative report of how huge and mighty the people are.  Only Joshua and Caleb faithfully believe they should obediently go, and let God take care of things. Fast forward, Caleb and Joshua are finally in the Promised Land, and Caleb is requesting his portion of land.  It’s appropriate. He comes to Joshua, saying, “But my brothers who went up with me made the heart of the people melt; yet I wholly followed the Lord my God.”  (Joshua 14:8, ESV) In fact, ‘I wholly followed the Lord my God’ appears three times in this passage of Joshua.

And, in my quiet time :: I’m slowly reading and praying through the Psalms.  Today, it was Psalm 119 and how God’s Word is a lamp to our feet, guiding us along.  “Blessed are those who keep his testimonies, who seek him with their whole heart, …” (verse 2, ESV) “With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!” (verse 10, ESV)

That “whole heart” is an undivided heart.  It’s not seeking God with just my emotions, or the portion of my heart which doesn’t feel broken (or vice versa). We are not to portion off our heart for Sunday mornings, seeking Him for an hour or two. Or 15 minutes in the morning, checking off the “quiet time” box, then move on for the day. Not portioning off the pieces I want Him to help me with, but including the pieces of my life in which I think I can do things on my own.  We are made to be partners and, though God is the Creator, co-creators here on this earth.

He desires relationship and our whole, altogether heart.  That doesn’t mean we have to have it all together.  And we don’t have to do things perfect, in fact – it won’t be. But I don’t believe God is asking for perfection, rather to love him with all of what we have to offer.  He made us, and we are perfectly made to be more than enough.

Am I seeking God with my whole heart? Am I waiting for perfection (in my own strength), before presenting my gifts before his throne? We don’t know much about Caleb, but I’m sure he wasn’t perfect.  And yet he followed the Lord his God, with his whole heart – and received a beautiful inheritance.  His heart did not melt, but remained steadfast. Oh, to have a courageous faith that wholly seeks God.

IMG_4546Take some time to stop and smell the roses, praise and thank Him for the opportunity to, and ask the question (I’m doing the same) – Am I seeking God with my whole heart? Praying and being still before God, reading His Word, allowing his Spirit to guide me with a heart steadfast on Him? We already have a beautiful inheritance, Jesus.

And, He is so worth it.


Treasured Up

Our son, Isiah, turned 11 this week.  Sometimes it’s hard to believe that I’m old enough to have a kid that’s 11 years old, the time goes by so quickly.  One of the things I remember people saying to us before having our first was, “They grow up so quickly, enjoy every moment.”  I just shook my head in agreement, not fully aware of how mind bogglingly correct that statement would be. Those words of wisdom people depart to new parents, but they can’t appreciate them until it’s happening.

Anyways, we enjoyed having some of his friends over for some outdoor shenanigans and a hotdog roast Friday after school.  They had a fabulous time, and barely stopped long enough to eat…I don’t think they even roasted their hotdogs long enough to be luke-warm!  They played hard, and giggled (yes, our 11-year-old boy giggles) until parents retrieved them.  The time went so fast, and they made the most out of every second.

I watched as they ran from the whiffle ball field to the basketball court (aka, gravel driveway) then on to the hay bales.  As they ran and played on the hay bales, I remembered Mary and the events surrounding her son, Jesus’s birth.

“But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.” Luke 2:19 (ESV)

This scripture about Mary treasuring up all these special things about her son struck me a few weeks back when I began reading the book of Luke.  There are two places in Luke 2 where Mary “treasured up” moments.  As a mom, I wish we could bottle up all the special moments with our children.  A bottle that could be opened and re-lived at any moment.  We may not have a magic bottle, but we do have the ability to treasure them up in our heart.

Our heart is that magical place with infinite space.  A treasure trove, waiting to be filled, placed within us by our Creator.  For the keeping and pondering of special moments.  I want to encourage you to go and read one of these special moments for Mary, with the short story in Luke 2:41-52 about Jesus as a young boy.  He gets left behind, only to be found teaching in the temple.

fullsizeoutput_cf5.jpegI watched those young men running on the hay bales and prayed that God would help me to treasure up that moment in time, deep within my heart.  Much like Mary and Joseph, who were astonished to find Jesus teaching, I am astonished to witness our son growing into an amazing young man.  It’s an honor to be entrusted with him, from the Father, to love and raise him.

Along with reading Luke 2:41-52, I want to challenge you to take a moment to ponder what that would have been like for Mary.  What moments are you needing to keep safe in that treasure trove of your heart?  And treasure up that time with the Lord, put it deep into your heart, it will not return void. I pray that you too, treasure up the precious and holy moments of this life.  What a gift.